i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
