before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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