He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
