The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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