eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
