well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
