Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
