Can i not drive my cunt home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
