I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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