I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
