you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
