What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
