I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
