That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
