in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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