PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
