I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
