his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
