We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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