This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
