Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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