im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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