life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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