When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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