I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
