People in love make me want to vomit
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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