Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
