I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
