there's paper in my vomit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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