Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
