idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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