see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
