he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
