I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
