youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
