I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
