he wants to bone in the snuggie
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
