I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
