I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
