I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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