he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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