It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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