so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
