thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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