i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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