i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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