I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
