if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
