Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
