It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
