It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
